I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Once I had a dog that died of lead poisoning . . . I shot him in the head.
You have the right answer . . . The question is wrong.
Cultural Values Determine Behavior.
There are two ways to take over a country. Externally by force or Internally by fiscal collapse.
Clowns taste funny.
Alright, who's the wise guy who turned the light out at the end of my tunnel?
It takes two people to make a realationship work but it only takes one person to kill it.
All things happen for a reason . . . Even No Reason is still a reason.
I became a comedian because I couldn't make it as a Porn Star.
Sometimes it's the educated people that are the stupidest people.
Next time I'd think twice about thinking twice.
If you believe that the Bible has all the answers maybe you're not asking the right questions.
I use to think that the moon was made out of cheese . . And I don't even like cheese.
Where there is no vision, people will bump into walls.
Don't forget to take life one day at a time because if you miss a day or two it's called being in a coma.
Two wrongs don't make a right but Three lefts do.
I went to the Hollywood Bowl last night . . . I bowled a 126.
Tattoos are just one more way to identify a body.
Tomorrow is always the busiest day of the week.
We are all strangers, some are just stranger than others.
We only fear what we don't know, if we knew everything we would have no fear.
You hear preachers say that the prosperity gospel doesn't work but I say that it's worked for the preachers who preach it.
One time I was at the Doctors office and the Doctor asked me if I was allergic to anything. I said "Yes, poison.
I'm not afraid of falling . . . I'm afraid of landing.
I'm thinking of buying an aquarium and filling it up with fish so when I'm bored I can go fishing.
Idealism only works in an ideal world.
